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The past week has been marred by my feelings of fear and anxiety.
But enough of that already. Delving deeper makes me feel worse (heart is sinking now as i type '_').
I feel better now as i know about 60% of my work. Handled my first registration yesterday. But i was trembling as a sup was watching over my movements. I cant even key in the numbers properly!!!
A past article in Recruit about change is that u need Protection, Security, and Bonding to be able to get past the negative feelings. I agree with that. Im still seeking a solid base in this job.
Have been lunching alone this past few days too. :(( I found out that being in the Operations dept esp in the HQ branch at Bukit Gombak is the most heong one. Stressful weekends that you cant escape from, different dept from where the bulk of other temps are in, sup that dont allow a moment of leg shaking ("Go shred paper!"). I have lost my appetite too. Which is a bad thing as there's only a half hour break and i always reach home with gastric pain. I dun wanna get stomach ulcer!! '_'
I admire some of the other temps for their rock steady calm composure, their ease in dealing with situations, and friendliness with everybody in the com. I cant even be myself now. Working on that :)
Anyway things can only get better. :D After the trough comes the peak.
Hmmmm NUS or NTU? None of my friends are entering the same course as me. But its not that. NTU there's the hostel arrangement, but there's the 90 people faculty (more like a family? but a narrower mean passing grade according to bro). NUS there's the bro's rep to live up to, but there's USP (am i biting off more than i can chew?? I realised that in this Customer Service job of mine. Thought i preferred CS to admin stuff but look what happened). ANd i sometimes have sudden doubts on my decision to read Sociology or Arts and Social Sciences. Can i take it?? I still like my Bio, i have certain interest in Tourism, Arts Design and Media. SO why did i just make a beeline for Soci?
An excerpt from Yahoo:
This is why we need dogs. They do something for us that rarely a human companion can do. No matter how much you mess up your life, or how much wrong you do, no matter how many mistakes you make or how often you make them, regardless of your looks, income or social standing, your dog never judges you. He always thinks you are wonderful and loves you with all his heart.
Awwww... Yes it's true. Everyday when i come back from work, just petting Crystal's warm furry lil head just makes my hand and heart melt as she gives a wide grin. It puts tears in my eyes as i recount the pressures i faced in work that day.
Must prep myself up for work during my off days today and tomorrow. Must face my fears and anxieties squarely. How else can i function? I do not want to fall into mental distress just because of a vacation job (which i thought i could take on a long term basis -_- let's see how that goes).
And so a week has passed since i joined this company. It seemed so long ago from my frolic-y flyer distributing days.
And i cant meet friends during weekends when i need the friendly warm faces most at this point of time.
listening: madame butterfly (ugh tragedy!)
mood: purging the system
home alone, with Crystal in the living room's sofa.
Drizzling, grey skies.
Gonna find mum later to get some makeup.
Dun wanna be caught by sup!
