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Yes I'm still in this job of mine. Still thinking of whether to quit.. Hmm.
In the mean time, since im tired but its such a waste not to fully utilise com usage now that my bro is staying over at a fren's place and the USP website just wont load when it could before but on this night of all nights when i feel an inkling of motivation to do the USP essay it just doesnt load and so im here listening to the vast collection of songs i have built up in my bro's com, currently playing "Feng" aka maple tree by Jay Chou. Awww.. Something bout the cold northen wind blowing away all the leaves of the maple, and that my love is so intense that im burning up like a crispy leaf.
In summary, i dont feel like sleeping yet. ^^
I have promised myself to stay at home nicely tomorrow and do the essay.
Having heard my lil sis' advice on the Horticulture offer from AVA (she's wiser than me :( so much for age = wisdom), i shall seriously consider it now cuz it may be some prejudice of mine against "silly lab work". The trauma of S.P.A.?? ugh.
sidetrack--> now reading bout Corrinne May's experience of a something surgery for her heart. Ugh it's the one that they will stick a wire in a vein of ur leg and thread it up all the way to the heart. *short bout of paranoia*
Ok back to the jokes. Hmm now that i think of it, i can only remember one verbal one cuz the rest are coupled with cute antics that are better seen to be believed.
So i was at the bus stop with 2 Si Ling Pri kids to wait for their school bus and one of my favs, i call her 'naughty kitty' cuz she is so mischevious and cheeky and bright eyed. She asked me whether i have read Death Note before. (I was surprised that she read it too cuz she is a p3 fillipino kid! But the manga is her p6 sis') She asked me for the death god's name and i said "Ryuk". Boasting abit, i said that he loves to eat apples. Blah blah then she said if 'Apple' is written in the Death Note does that mean Ryuk will just happily eat the apple, not before stabbing it a few times to make apple juice. She was really enjoying herself when she added that NTUC should have many Death Notes and write 'Apple' in them and have free labour courtesy of a team of Ryuks to make apple juice for the shop.
Apple juice made by a Death god, anyone??
Im continually amazed by the imagination displayed by the kids.
But just today, the sobering effects of the mass media is already showing. The P1 kids were joking about suicide (ok they do not know the full import of their words yet) and were giggling when a cartoon of Kids Central showed a curvy female's body for a few seconds and the sharp eyed kids caught it and were giggling-ly re-enacting the pose of the said female. (Ah boys will be boys).
The day when they lose their childhood innocence..
mood-o-meter: @o@ dun wanna sleep just yet.. but so many engorged irritating pores full of pus! Btw :D cuz went to the John Little sale with mum and bought some colourful lingere and a nice orange BNN shirt. Hehe. Cant wait to wear them but i cant go out tml! Augh.
Wow my head hurts after filling up the uni admin forms. Ugh. Too much nervous tension. And i had so many things to blog about! Not much time left too cuz i still wanna nap then go for SSO's performance at the field beside Causeway Point. It's called Russia@Woodlands. Hey why did that become a website address? Dun click on it folks. ^^ Anyway it's a new experience. The ad said it's not everyday that u are allowed to eat at a concert. Oooo cheese hotdog, here i come!! :p'
On Friday, i organised a Kbox outing, promising Riverside kakis that it will be below $20 (i asked bro!!) and it turned out to be almost $30+. :(( Furthermore, we could only sing till 11pm (when we started at 8+!). LX proceeded to argue with the staff all the way to the manager. But i had to leave at 11+ to catch the last bus. Felt bad leaving them in th lurch. But it turned out to be successful and they could stay till 3am. Heard that they stayed at Mac to catch the first train home.
Hmm do i feel like i have missed out on the fun? No. Sad to say, i didnt really enjoy myself. It's as if we have outgrown each other. I just dont feel that they care for me in any way. Where is that real connection that i have hoped for? The sharing of future plans, more group activities etc. Nothing at all. Just gushes over the latest taiwan drama, Hana Kimi. They may have different views on how to spend time with friends. Or strangers. Fine. One just recently asked a favour of me - to edit her uni admin essay. I accepted though i was pressed for time. Why?? Thinking that this action of mine can still try to preserve some feelings of goodwill? I am fooling myself if i say that she thought of me as a friend to rely on in this hour of need. No. No more idealisms from me. She just saw the cold hard pro's and thought: hey, a free editor for the taking! Whatever.
We are just seeing each other as a form of obligation to fulfill. And i am the one responsible for this. Forcing meetings, being the middleman, sending numerous smses, receiving "Im not free", "Im anything up to u guys" type of msgs, arranging and planning etc. What for?! No point glueing up the broken pieces when some are already missing.
Damn i wanted to talk bout more exciting happenings but this unlodged angst just spoiled my mood.
Im hungry.
O and im watching Phantom Of The Opera on the night of 17 April. Cant wait!
Im quitting my job after this month.
I want to study sociology! And enter NUS' University Scholar's Programme. Have not written the essay yet. Have lost the intense stream of ideas generated when i've first read the question. Should have done it sooner!
Enough of Life's excesses. I have always known what i wanted in Life. But either i dont dare to acknowledge them or are still buried in loose luggage.
Enough shopping. Especially shortie skirts.
mood-o-meter: tense stomach X.x
On the results:
I could have done better. Compared to my classmates, my results are average. Maybe even slightly below. I want my As. :(( Not to talk about the controversies surrounding PW and SPA, which had certainly disadvantaged me. Anyway, as it slowly sinks into my heart, im getting ok with it. Oh well, nufin can be changed. But it makes my appeals to scholarships that much harder. I know that i can do it. Gambatte!! *mental psyched up-ness*
On a scholarship drive:
It has its peaks and pits. I may be high, passionate, and energetic at times, and sian, discouraged and lethargic in other times. And why wont the MND application website load?! I have to get some referees (who can i get? hmmm) and write 2 essays. A short one describing personal goals, and a min 2000 word chim essay. @_@ Think i should settle the more urgent ones now. But being the highly strung person that i am, im stressing out some times. UGH.
On $$:
The scholarship will solve some financial worries that i have. And the usual family problems. Ugh. I want to go overseas too. :D I have just accepted a tuition assignment today. Primary 6. Let's see what happens. ^^ Will have to brush up on my grammer.
Now undergoing:
Intensive brush up on p6 syllabus esp grammer. Brainstorm on chim essay. Worry about getting who to be my referees. Worry about scanning documents. Worry about getting new photos done. About meeting the deadlines. About the interviews. About not getting it. About CPF. And elder sis. And time management. And life choices crammed in a week.
That's about it for now. :)
mood-o-meter: @_@ brain battery low. needs urgent charging. but no relief seems to be coming in these crucial 2 weeks.
mood-o-meter: >_<
to be continued...
