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Nufin new
Been in a rush these few days..
Dun feel like blogging cuz
1) i wanna play neopets!!
2) cant access blogskin.com
3) cant decide on a blogskin
4) connection speed is terribly slow
5) wanna do other stuff
6) wanna go out but cant cuz no $$ le
7) have yet to find a job
speaking of which, i had an opportunity of a well paying job, $7/hour as data entry at starhub, plaza singapura. This happened bout 1hr 15 min after i registered at a recruit agency on Tuesday. The friendly consultant recommended me to this post and there was to be an interview!! Btw he has the same birthday as me!! :) My first jobbing interview. I was so anxious.
For that long wait, i went to the nearby Mac to have my 'breakfast+lunch' (at 5+pm). A cold, sodden day as usual. I sat at the table n scribbled down the details i recalled. Dunno why, but my memory was suddenly so good, can remember every word he told me. Then i consulted with bro: when will uni modules start? He told me that it is better to stop working by the start of july. But camps were in mid june.. Then with mum: she told me not to sign any contracts. And with Lyndia, venting my worries. Thx!! (a silent one, cuz her com is spoiled since last year)
I went back to the agency 15min early. And slowly, the other interviewees arrived. 7 in all, same age, all girls. When my name was called, second in the list, i said 'Here.' in what i hoped was a confident tone. And i entered the small room with another girl. She was accompanied by her friend, who was mean-mouthed. To appear friendly, i started talking to her, saying how nervous i was, is this your first job opening etc. Then followed all my dumb mistakes.
I told them all i knew bout the job. Cuz they only got wind of it by phone, so may not know all the details. Me n my big mouth. They ARE my competitiors. And that gal whom i entered the room with, she was able to use the info i revealed to her own good. Well, it was a question on typing speed, which i have so kindly told them that the boss will be asking that question. As for my typing speed, its pitiful.. Then came the last chance to be big-mouthed. And i grabbed at it like a hapless fool. I actually helped the whole group answer one of the boss's questions, something bout usage of the com. And came my moment of glory, "WE are comfortable with the com." And everybody agreed to it. Wise move kiddo. End of interview.
As i left the building, my dumbness stupefied me. Then i felt my handphone vibrate. A missed call from the agency, so soon? But my phone is always so dam soft. Have been so since i sent it for 'repairs'. I didnt follow up on that call.
I proceeded with some retail therapy at those lil shops at tampines mrt. Bought a white+gold soft skin bag ($10), a shiny teal plait belt ($5), and brown+gold flats ($8). I was still grappling with the aftershock of the sudden end of the interview. I was abit 'feng'. I asked a lady with her bf by her side whether she wanted to share the shoe shop discount deal: 2 pairs for $16, as i couldnt find another pair that i liked. She gave me an amused stare but agreed to it anyway. $$ was to be saved. Who could refuse to that? And later i chatted with the bag shop guy. He asked whether im a "ben di ren'. He suspected that i was from china. I asked "wo xiang ma?". Hmmm i look like a china girl? Just listen to my chinese n u will know. ehx.
Later that night i watched Death Note 2 at orchard with Lyndia. This irritating gal beside me kept telling her fren wat was gonna happen. In the beginning of the movie, she actually talked to a fren on her phone cuz they didnt know where they were sitting. Tried to be softer but her irritation got the better of her. As were the rest of the audience. I tsked a few times. Was still feng after that interview. I think the first movie was better as it really involved a battle of wits. Now, it is like 'chase here chase there, not knowing whether u are chasing the right person' kind of movie. My fren, a fan gal of L was captivated whenever her idol was onscreen. haha.
And for the second consecutive night, we rushed for the last train. Terrifying experience cuz i dont want to walk home from yishun, which my fren assured me was easy, just follow the train track. *_*
Couldnt relax the whole night as i was worrying bout the job. What if they called me on my handphone? Will have to stay at home tomorrow.. And the ominous line of "u may miss the last train" which the boss threw on us. Hey i tot my consultant said it was from 11-9pm?? but i didnt voice it out. Tot it will reduce my chances of getting the job if i said no to anything. The other gals felt the same way too. Later learnt from my mum that any questions concerning your welfare etc better say it out. The boss may even think better of u for your initiative. She didnt like the job cuz of the fishy working hours. what, downstairs very quiet lah, a girl is unsafe etc. i was convinced. But worried that i may have to refuse the opening that they may have reserved for me. I resolved to call the agency tomorrow morn.
9am, 10+, 12+. Ah i finally dragged myself out of bed despite my bedroom n handhphone alarms. I steeled myself before i made the call. "He is out for lunch.. Call back at 1+pm" Augh. Second time: his cheerful voice came on. It seems that starhub wanted to hire more experienced admin pp. N tat missed call was bout tat. AUGH. Was worrying for nufin!!
Fed up with my hp, my mum n i then went to CWPT to get a second hand phone for me. A motorola VX something. Not the slim one. The bulky one. It has some 3G function. Sad to say, (as i hav told A), 3G phone+ tech dummy = 2G phone. So no diff. There were lots of FIR songs left over from the previous owner, but i couldnt activate them. The shop person gave me the box for Vi, a diff model, so the instruction booklet is missing some things. Hmm.. Not used to msging on that phone. N it doesnt record too! But it has iTunes. Dunno how to use. Will ask bro whether can install in his com. Augh.
Stayed at home today again. Feel at a loss. Like im slacking. Really no $$ le n my mum told me not to spend too much already, u have so many new clothes in ur wardrobe le. And im going Bugis tomorrow. Hmmm.. Abit guilty. Sad bout my depleting bank account too. No job seem to be forthcoming. Ng Min said she is working at Kumon, but its only $5/hour, 3 hours a day, marking scripts!!
Good luck to u, Bryan or Tieriana, for helping me find a good job!!
Im getting desperate. 3 more days to a new year n i hav yet to get a job. Self-imposed? perhaps..
ooo long entry!! haha. when i said i didnt wanna blog.
Ahhhh wat should i do?? Go out n find a job myself? Im feeling insecure. That flash of bravery in that interview have forsaken me. Dun feel like venturing to a new place n thick skin ask for a job. And the interviews.. Augh. But desperation may drive me. Or a failing heart which is getting heavier with each passing day. The load was dropped the day i went to cityharvest's xmas carnival whn i sat on that scary bruise-machine. I screamed everytime the ride dropped down, and the gal on my left was calm throughout n was amused with my screams, which were high pitched at first then became groans. It was a relief. I need it again now.
Second post: and my father said, in his heavy handed way, y dun u try relief teaching?? Dun juz wait for tat elusive job offer!! N more advice from my bro who juz came back. The males in my family have advice that sound like orders but i think they are sensible ones this time. This weakness of mine is just a passing one, which happens when i stay too long at home- fear, insecurity n the like. That's y i always loiter at shopping centers even when the party's long over. I will go register now. Wish me luck pp! :D
WANTED: Technical Expertise
Now doing:
1. trying to figure out wat to download for my oudated MP3 player, this after my bro upgraded our Windows Media Player to v.11! After calling the repair centre, which wasnt of much help (muz have been that same guy who doesnt use WMP for his MP3 player and insists that the only way to transfer music is by foldering aka Creative's way.) And in the end, the firmware is still the oudated one!! My MP3 player still cant sync with my bro's com!! AUGH.. I may have to switch to my elder sis's com. AUGH.. Or approach my bro.. But rolling back to v.10 is troublesome, this after a glance at the webpage full of steps to do so. AUGH..
2. was looking for a new blogskin. Weird that my bro's com can view blogskins.com but not Shutterfly, while my elder sis's com is the other way round.. So here i am alternating the places i can satisfy my com hunger. I realised that my html knowledge is .. pitiful. Dun relli noe wat they are toking bout. AUGH.. So i gave up (for now).
3. is transfering photos to my very own shutterfly account. :D Is taking very long cuz i didnt install the recommended ActiveX software, for fear that it may bring trouble to my bro's com. So, manually, one by one, i continue in my task. AUGH..
Anyway i was struck by the dreaded wave of despair this late morning. My heart felt this crushing sadness n loneliness while my face struggled to put on a calm mask. I felt like i dun wanna be nice anymore. That what's the point, people wont appreciate it. Dunno why, but im still reeling from my bro's tantrum that time. I still cant erect a protective fortress around my pained heart..
The factory outlet of Esprit at Northpoint is really cheap!! Those out of season wear are dumped there. I got a teal outer layer sleeveless thing for $9.90. With a 1 for 1 coupon, i bought 2 lip glaze at $18. Bought a light purple, shimmery one for myself n a scarlet one for mum. One of the staff is really helpful, telling me the most popular colours, teaching me how to use it, complimenting on my choice of colour ^^, this after i showed her the coupon, revealing me to be one of those people who will only venture into an esprit outlet under the protection of a discount coupon. ehx. Love their style, not the price.
Meeting Lyndia at Sunplaza later. Finally can catchup with each other. :) And met Lixian at Causeway point yesterday night by luck. Went to the Natural Source to buy her xmas gift. Good deals alert!! haha.
Was just loitering around alone yesterday. Dunno what i was doing or thinking lah, juz didnt feel like going home, though there are lots of things to entertain myself: Death Note anime, 6 thick books to read, tutor lil sis, loiter around, watch taiwan variety shows with parents etc..
But im feeling anxious.. Havent even start looking for a job when some have already started their $$ earning days. :( No discipline to exercise too. Gosh. I've becum a slacker (in action). I will go tampines next week to register at the 2 job agencies there!! N shun bian shop around ^^speaking of which, i almost forgot to check out Kelly's services.
Im losing my temper juz because of my dog's furious barking as people are moving their furniture across the common corrider now. She hates the sound of rollers.
Till then!!
Anime time!
Im waiting for Death NOte anime to load now! Weeeee! part 1/3, its my first time using Youtube n i muz say that it is amazing!! Free anime to view! With subtitles already!
While waiting for 7pm when my dad will continue with our 'temple tour', as he is bringing me all the way to Bedok to a particular temple. hmmm..
It was an enlightening trip to the temples today as i found out more of my religion, Taoism. Quite interesting, really, and some father-daughter bonding.^^ With my natural kaypoh instinct, its easy to find out more bout someone.
But it led me into slight trouble this late morn. :( cuz my elder bro didnt switch off his internet connection device in the hall as usual, n i thought he was sleeping as his room's door was closed, so i helped him switched it off, which sorta have become my duty. Mum n i wanted to charge him for our service at 20c/switching off cuz he was guzzling electricity with his device, which is always hot to the touch. Ya, so one minute after i pressed the button, he sped out off the room in a temper, with storm clouds fuming above his head. "I was just about to check my email!!" :( o well, being kaypoh n concerned bout the wellbeing of others dun always pay off.
Anyway i intoduced another customer to the friendly hairdresser auntie, n today is QQ. Her ankle is still hampering her movement greatly, but though her walking speed have been reduced to a dragging one, her company is still stimulating to be with. :) She had a satisfying hair cut, n i felt good bout it that i've played a part. Though the auntie mistakingly took QQ as a 'si wen' type, i quickly told her she was the 'qi fu ren' type, so the auntie was gonna cut a 'qi fu ren' hairstyle. haha. n it turned out that Shimin was supposed to cut her hair much earlier than us, n that the auntie was on good terms with her mum. Wow its a small world, though im not really comfortable with her.
N its surprising that the movie, 'Huang Jin Jia' had a 4.5 star rating. Gonna watch it tomorrow with A n BH if we can get the tickets. Look forward to it, n also Gong Li's heaving bosom?? haha, the review made no mention of Jay Chou though, but i heard that his acting is not meaty enough. Needs more experience ba.
Oh no i hav spent too much time blogging!! No time to kaypoh other people's blogs le. Till next time!!! :D Hey i sound rushed but happy in this entry. A long time since i have a cheerful post haha. I feel at peace with myself after visiting the temples. Should go more often. ^^
Drifting
Away..
What was i doing yesterday? What was supposed to be the "Great Northen Expedition" didnt bear any fruit. Cuz i am no longer as willing to spend. And am getting sick of This Fashion, right after i signed up for the membership card!
Used my ezlink card like crazy. My travel log yesterday:
1. Bus to woodlands- lunch+walk
2.Train to sembawang- to buy a can of Season's barley, from what is supposedly 'the cheapest store in S'pore, at 70c!! NTUC sells it at 60c. Cheated..
3.Train to chua chu kang- walk+try out Missha's nail polish. On my left hand, i have the colours of olive green (an old bruise), silvery pink, glittery pink, black (poisoned. an acquaired taste, but cool ^^), and a clear orange.
4.Train to kranji- loitered at This Fashion, got sick of it in 15min, then left
5.Train to marsiling- to collect photos, to nap for too long and as a result, was running late (for the upteemth time. ehx)
6.Bus to woodlands- flipped through the photos. Was caught offguard by the surge of feelings, leaving me flustered. Have it not left long ago? To think it is still compressed within the heart. Was to think bout many things later that night.
7.Train to orchard- had dinner at HK cafe @cineleisure. Ate a baked dish of cheese+porkchop+spaghetti, with milk tea and siew mai. Spent $15. Not bad. :P' caught up with sec sch frens, a sense of the old times, but not as connected anymore. But im not as guarded anymore. Shared photos, stories and food.
8.Train to woodlands- More talk, with promises of more outings to the zoo and the like, but not as enthusiastic as i've hoped? This gradual drifting away, soon to be completely replaced with disinterest, apathy.
The opposite of love is not hate but apathy. Read this somewhere..
9.Bus home. A solitary ride full of reflections.
Trials and tribulations. Strength. But most of all, Hope.
Now, if only the bug that prevents me from opening blogskins.com will scram..
Light is cute (and evil?) !! Watched Death Note this afternoon. Really brain-stirring stuff. But a smart movie. Abit talk and no action though. Heard that the manga is more wordy compared to the usual variety. Cant wait for the showdown between Light and L in the sequel!! ^o^
Enough is enough
Why was i so foolish even to try to prove myself to u? That u can judge me with your own warped ideals, your own coloured specs of life. I lead my life the way i want. Im sick of u putting me down.
My brother.
His comments as he taught me how to use msn. I beared with them cuz i really wanted to learn. Harmless remarks to him, perhaps, but devastating for me.
"Aiyo, why so little friends one?!" As he saw my pathetic contact list, compared to his extensive one.
Well, is it because i cant use the com that often as i would like, depending on the whims and good moods of those who have a com in their room, that the com symbolises to me the force of IT that is twisting my family apart. First elder sis, and in subtle ways now, you? That the com jinxed the family n i am never good with coms cuz they will always hang up or some sudden virus attack when im the one using it, of all people?
That i have been feeling insecure all these while and i finally know (one of) the reason why?
"To change who i used to be.. The reason to start overnew, and the reason is you.." this song plagued my mind.
And why i (perhaps) insisted on going SA (i still like to deem it to divine will), why i wanted to join a sports CCA (i do like floorball though), why, on that train ride home from somewhere, u showed your aversion to Science students, have the perception that they dun hang out as a class usually, but in small groups, strange and isolated, this in response to my hints of my problems in school then. Ah, so well for some heart to heart talk.
BUT, (after an enlightening read from astrology books at the very new, nice bookstore at Vivo) i realized that all these hardships are just to catalyst my self-reform. The Scorpion leads a life of self-reform, being able to drag itself out of the ashes, never falling too far below, as it contains the magical power of transformation and rebirth, as it understands the transition between Life and Death more so than the other sun signs. Gibberish u may say, but it offers to me hope. That with change, i can lift myself out of this quagmire and start anew.
"And the reason is you.."
Post Prom
Ah it is finally over.
Expenditure:
Dress-------------89.90
Brooch-------------9.90
Shoes-------------29.90
Hair/make up-----30.oo
Ticket-------------65.oo
Hotel--------------47.oo
___________________
TOTAL 271.70
The only lasting memento is the photos. Ah, cant wait for them to develop!! haha. Hope nothing happens to the as yet undeveloped film. Valuable photos were taken. What if the photographer's hands shook at those crucial moments? The only link left are the photos. And they may be ruined. The curse of a antique camera.
But in the busy days leading to the prom, i have never been as conscious of my appearance. At night, i suddenly feel so superficial. Hmmm..
The food wasnt that good. I only liked the desert, something like sago with sea coconut. People were not interested in the food or the going on at the stage (cant see from our corner table anyway). And the table was .. awkward. The people across the table didnt dare look at each other in the eye. Ah, my classmates. And thr class disperses like this. I have good feelings for most of them. Some werent reciprocated. Like this gal who i really favour, she just agreed to watever evil comments her fren said of me as i walked past them. Sheesh. Enough of those people. They have never known the real me and will never know. Bitter regret.. Sour feelings..
After nerve-wrecking photos, where my smile is fixed and plastic, the fun finally began when the prom unofficially ended, when people surged to the dance floor. But why play some slow numbers exclusively for a handful of couples who want to show off? Let everybody have fun!
The prizes of the lucky draw were very attractive. 8gb ipod, crumpler bag, vouchers etc.. Is there some conspiracy when a councillor won one of the top prizez, of all people? I suspect so. Aiya, why didnt they call my number? 00230!!
Along with A n co, we watched "Tenacious D and the pick of destiny", about rock music and guitars. Really lame and funny show, very vulgar too. M18. Every two sentences had a F word. And there was a gross scene where i covered my eyes. But good movie! Wont watch it again though. My first M18 movie!! Will never go for those movies full of sex and violence, so this movie is still acceptable. The cinema was full of prom go-ers. Was my first late night movie too. 2.15am, still $6.50!! But due to transport inconveniences, dun think i can watch more.
Had a crash course on card games later. Learnt Tai-ti and Bridge. Sorta grasp Bridge, Tai-ti still escapes me. And someone asked how cum u dunno how to play? No childhood ah? Hmmm my childhood went by in a blur. But i do know how to blay ban-luck and gemini(dunno wat's the real name) and uno! haha. Heart attack is so fun! And i had plenty of beginner's luck, when i won most of the games for bridge, and one for tai-ti. Really due to luck, no skill one haha. We slept at 7.15am. I got the narrow sofa.
Cold sia! I woke up at 9am to shower. Had to meet at 1pm with WL n co. But once i got out of the sofa's blanket, i partially froze up. The cold marble floor of the toilet didnt help. Were to regret that i didnt shower later in the day. We dilly dallied till 11.45, watching the asia games on tv. Beach ball looks good, and the players were dressed in bikinis. They have great figures and nice butts!! And there were swimming to. I just rolled up on the super soft bed and thick blankets. Shouldnt have volunteered to sleep on the hard sofa with its slip of a blanket! And i should have taken more pieces from the memo pad, and 'cope' the toiletries!! There goes my $47.
The preparation of SY's black book was finally completed much later in the day. Quite proud of the pages i did. But my head felt horrible in the afternoon. Like mass suicide of my brain cells. Dizziness, fatigue eyc.. i had to rest for bout 30min. Too tired to fall asleep though. Loitered at Raffles place while waiting for SY. Without her, the group can never be the same. She is the glue.. Sad.
At bout 7pm we went to Cafe Cartel for dinner, at WL's spirited recommendation. Saw Alfred with his councillor friends there too. There was a free flow of crusty bread (shouldnt have eaten so much bread!). The St louis's ribs were really nice! Meaty, juicy, and it falls off the bones with tender softness. But we shouldnt have orded so many chicken dishes. I think they taste the same, though all succulent. We presented SY with the black book, and after a few pages, she burst into tears. Other diners around turned to kaypoh. I had tears in my eyes toowhich i quickly wiped away. The bill was $90++. Ah more $$ of mine gone.
We went to the esplanade's garden on the roof for a dark, quiet spot, where SY can cry without much unwanted attention. She didnt in the end haha. A cockroach scurried across. *shudder* And nat had to go half-way. More photo taking followed. Ah Bern showed her true self then, her wacky, fun, girly ways. Its a pity that i cannot know her well enough to see that side of her which she only reveals to SY. She was repressed terribly in SA too. Ah, another link ending in regret.
And slowly, the company parted at different times, with hugs from SY. First WL then ah bern. She had more to say to SY, but as i was there, she left with just a good bye. SY and i then sat then sat the green line all the way to Jurong East, where she shared her troubles. And i was to be her listening ear for one last time. She regretted that she couldnt digout more time to spend with her freinds. But she happy at least that she obtained some time to spend with us. She said our links are still new and fresh, not weathered. And to leave it like this when it could have promised more was, .. augh. With a hug from her and a whispered "Be strong", a blurred last glimpse as the train moved on, and she was gone. She understood me more than most. Scarily perceptive. Gone. Ahhhh...
And life goes on, as if the events of the past few days have never happened. Only vague memories are left. And the inanimate photos.
And a serious sore throat that reduces my voice to croaks. I have been voiceless for 2 years. It is time to let it be heard. Ironic that i have a sore throat now. Augh. *_*
There will be more outings. May they remove the pain. And a new major worry to get a job. No, i shoulnt take it as a worry. It is a necessity. There are temp jobs galore. Just dun be picky, and dun fret too much of entering a new environment, meeting new people etc.
As soon as i can speak again..
