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Birthday Part 2
Hi im back (uninvited) again! haha
Here's an update of the wonderful time i had from yesterday night to this afternoon.
Last night, i went to eat at Swensen's with Lyndia. Had creamy salmon pasta. Though the portions were stingy, I would like to thank the warm staff of swensen's!! Eating there on your birthday (along with ur ic) will earn u a free 'Firehouse' , a 3 scoop icecream fortress with 3 swirls of whipped cream and 3 glazed cherries, and a banana in the middle with a birthday candle stuck on top of it. There is also an optional singing of the bday song by the staff there. And my fren chose to sabo me. Well, she was shamed along with me haha. There were 3 of them, dashing Indian/Malay men who were also quite paiseh as i took a video of them haha. 2 other people had their birthday celeb there too.
Wah, yesterday i had 2 major chatting sessions. So long never talk so happily le!! First with A (supposed to be discussing chem haha) then with L. I was all warm n happy inside, the loneliness have all but fled from my heart. :)
And today was a wonderful surprise when what was a ordinary 'Last Lunch' became a mini bday celeb! Thanks to N, SY, B, WL for eveything! though i knew something was up when an auntie came to our table at the coffee shop to ask B "Do u want a lighter now?" in chinese. And this was coupled with the disappearance of N n SY (the major plotters) who went to 'withdraw some $' haha. And later SY gave us a very animated version of the singapore folklore "How Tanah Merah got its Name", with soundeffects, editors and swordfishes. Really enjoyed myself. Thanks for the coffee cake!
And i was very happy with my bday gifts from my family. In the end, the presents from my lil sis and brother were about anime. -_-" but very nice ones! A Fruit Basket handphone pearl bracelet with a cute rice ball (its now hanging at my black-purple bag) and a Howl's Moving Castle VCD! (in jap with eng sub of course ^^) And a blueberry cheesecake from my elder sis.
One and a half days fly past juz like that and im late for tuition. -.- 6.5 more days. but im consoling (or deluding) myself. Make that 156 hours. Alot right haha. Im off! No more blogging!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEE!!!
Haha. Yay it's my bday! But im not happy yet cuz no one is at home. :(
Yesterday nite when i was studying at the balcony aka my exclusive study room, a gust of cold wind blew (hopefully not the sinisterly "Yin" type) and i felt so lonely and hollow. Though everybody is at home doing their own ting, leading their own lives. The balcony is situated the furthest away from the living room so i do feel isolated at times. Unless there are 'visitors'. My lil sis to blabber about her sch day, band, and making feel excited that my bday is tml (ie today). Cuz she said my present is related to anime. So i listed all my favs, but she kept shaking her head. She said its so nice that she even wants it for herself. Oooo.. After half an hour of precious studying time flew by guessing, she left the study room with this last teaser "Actually, its not about anime". -_-" But i felt so weak and yielding. Cuz e kaypoh me cant stand a good secret. haha.
Why cant i be like myself when im at home, compared to when im in school or outside? Its frustrating. People who think they know me will be surprised if they spy at me when im at home. Like im 2 different people. Not schizo plz. Perhaps when im outside, their is this 'proper' behaviour that i stick to, assuming a 'perfect' facade. And it all hangs loose when im at home. Which is really like the main character in this manga "Kare Kano", a really old (199?) but meaningful high-sch romance+comedy shojo series. Im a tough nut to crack. I only open up to people who do not judge by appearances. Those generous, big-hearted pp who u all are. :)
Anyway, thanks to A, SY, B, WL, Dina for staying up so late juz to wish me stuff at the magical hour. :) And Heon and Kimberlyn msged me too! so surprised. Luckilyy i didnt delete their no. *guilt* Thank u lynn! Juz received ur msg haha.
I went for some retail therapy at cwpt and NTUC. Received a $30 NTUC voucher from my brother. So far i bought lots of food, a Oral B toothbrush (e best brand! even good for scrubbing the toilet floor!), and Ginvera Green tea complete facial wash (hope its good. The first ingredient is Ginseng! Nxt is green tea. Hope its by order of quantity and not quality -.-) Give me a break today! Though its 8 days to D-day, n im not supposed to be here haha.
Im really irritated when im forcing myself to study. Angry even. And i sit on a small plastic chair till my bottom hurts. Putting a cushion doesnt help. :( How am i gonna do well if i continue with the way i am now?? Though today's chem lect made me gan jiong again, (i failed chem mock! n i dun _stand a whit of that darn org chem Q8!), its effect is wearing off as the sleepy effect takes over me.
I really luv my mp3 player! The old soft-rock english songs (thx SY!!), soothing, melancholy chinese love ballads, and upbeat L'arc.. But i concentrate better without them haha.
Deathnote! I shall watch u after A's when i rent u! The Prestige too! And Princess Hours! My mom n lil sis juz recently finished a marathon of it. Got the DVD. N i kept dropping by juz to peek.
off to kaypoh and a quick nap then! I made some lemon n raspberry jelly last nite. Its nice and quivering (like in that dinosaur movie, J(?) Park) now. Let me rest a while today.. :)
Tata
This is gonna be my last entry before the A's. Some musings..
We shouldnt be afraid of approaching people who seem so much better off than us. There's much more to learn from them. And maybe their good luck will rub off us. ^^
2 weeks left. I alternate between fear, slack, anxiety, and a come-what-may attitude. Eveytime i get nervous, i have diarrhoea. Wasnt like this for the O's. And now i'm in my bro's room. He has the flu. Im having a runny nose now. :(
An interesting advertisement for dietary fibre supplements. "Are u a floater or a sinker?" It seems that if ur stools float, u have enuf fibre in your diet. So peer into the toilet bowl folks, and see whether u need more fruits! haha. I only have ORANGES at home. Sian. The occasional apples are hotly competed for. By 6 people.
There is a possible job opening from my Father's contacts. A data entry person. I gave my info to be 'cleared'. Its to see whether i've commited any past crimes. haha. Besides being a danger to myself. ;p 8-5, mon-fri, $1400/mth. seems a lot! But i hav the suspicion that my parents are urging me to work right after the a's. Dun wan me to become like my elder sis. But i wanna rest a while! They wont understand. Ah, something new to worry.
Actually, i have a camera but its an ancient model. Those black bulky types. Is it suitable for prom? hmmm
Haha i shouldnt worry bout minor things like this! Concentrate on the A's first!
Celebrated L's birthday on Sunday. I was the organiser, spent the whole day setting the stuff. But i was late. haha. Many plans were made. eg go HK once we got the $ (but i dun favour HK! :( ), sign up for fitness courses like kick boxing at Amore fitness (there's an outlet at Woodlands Civic centre), exercise etc. And i got my birthday present! So surprised. A nice greenish Pure Milk bag. But the straps have too small a space for my elbow to squeeze through. But i feel so free with a new bag. No longer tied down by old, painful memories.
There is a meaning to the L.E.G.I.D.G.L.C. sheep i gave u guys. The sheep will bring u to greener pastures, lull u to a peaceful sleep, and protect u from harm with its wooly fleece. ^^ I've lost mine the first night i had it beside on my bed. It fell down in the mid of the night. Gone ever since. :( Muz find a new good luck charm. -.-
Ystday's chem mock was.. As i flipped through the question pp, i was wondering, "what am i doing here??" Well, it only shows how much i still dun noe. Off to studying then! Cant see u pp as often as i like anymore. :(
For Sure
Ah, so it is over already. A burden lifted, a cage opened, but this freedom is only to end up in a even hotter pan. ;p haha
Almost cried twice during Farewell Assembly. Because of two guys. Guess who? David Wong and Joel! haha. Their speeches really tickled that emotional bone somewhere. *sigh*
And after that was photos galore. First with the class (strange tensions. glad i didnt give in!), where we trampled on the vines of the fountain in front of the cc, and then 2 attention-seeking guys went into the water to fish. -_- Lucky LCT wasnt around, otherwise 'gana' scolding and unwanted publicity. Weird that there is still this last effort for the class to get together. Though half the class girls were absent.
Then some following around, fishing for people to take photos with. I dun hav camera! :( Cant take pics with those i wan, muz rely on others to send. How exactly does this photo sending business go about? I keep getting promises that "i will send u.." but how? haha plz enlighten me on this new fangled technology. ^^
After the class photo shoot, i was too drained to have appetite for the food. But the sooh kueh was good. :) And i went home alone, feeling a lil desolute. So this is the "last day"..
Slept till now. Didnt go for a family outing. *guilt* But he and she will be going, so .. He will be leaving on 17. Actually he's a good person. Very funny, laidback, gung ho (how many ang mo s' will take a paper lantern and walk around in the HDB estate, with pp gawking, on Mid-Autumn Festival? A sight to behold. ^^)
Hope u pp like the "Limited Edition Glow In The Dark Good Luck Sheep Charm"! Stayed up till 1+ to do it. With the help of the mother. ^^Good idea right! Was conceptualised randomly. And monday's reading was "The Shepherd"! I bought the stuff on sunday. Notice the advertising blitz yesterday? And all of u thought it was a sheep virus? haha
I think i will miss morning assembly. Strange but true. So used to stare at the flag pole people, with something being read, with me in a half-asleep mode. ^^ These type of things do offer comfort to me.
To study.. I think i have finally got it. Will quickly kaypoh then should start le. In a sober mood now. Too sober. Like after a drunken haze, with alcoholic fumes around. And the skies are grey..
Was looking at the scholarship booklet. All need S pp. Hmm.. Well, will have to get a part time job! Is a must, to support myself!
Jia you then! Yaaaa!
Farewell?
I feel like i could have died last year. But i didnt. Im still here, alive and well (mostly haha). It came to me in a flash yesterday, when i was supposed to study. (Stayed back fromm11 to 5.15! wooohooo! so tired. but didnt do much. Why is it that the time after 1pm flies away so fast?)
Anyway, I felt that how can bad circumstances reduce me to this state? I should not let them do this to me. I suddenly, finally, believed in myself. That i should have this quiet confidence in myself. My surroundings became so bright and clear after i had this 'revelation' (when i was suppossed to study haha). Now, i will just have to clear and compose my mind, for 100% concentration. easier said then done. ;p There are so many residual feelings stuck in the cavities of my mind.
After writing 2.5 autograph books, I had this bittersweet feeling. Do people value me as much as i value them? So many feelings swirling around, ah the curse of being a Water sign. :( Some wont even be coming tomorrow. Did this 2 years mean nothing to them? That they cant wait to get out of sch? My time in SA have taught me many things. Things that toughen me up. How else could i have survived? I'm waiting for a new life. For a new me. After the A's.
Would like to thank these people who mean so much to me.
A, for being there everyday, since our OG days. It was u who brighten up my day at sch, with your light, whimsical ways. Many a time i almost gave up, but your presence reminded me that i have not lost everything, and i carried on. :) And it was u who introduced me to ur wonderful group, where i feel so at ease and happy. ^o^
BH, known u since the first 3 mth (courtesy of A ^^) Remember our first hanging out tgt was some make up maths lect that nobody wanted to go? And i was eating pattaya rice. And we had such a wonderful chat, hadnt enjoyed myself that much since i entered SA. U then became my fellow co-oper, tuition mate and shopper. :)
WS, N, QQ, K, thanks for being so accepting and welcoming! U are all truly fun pp to hang out with. ^o^ Really lightens my mood to see u all every morning.
SY, for being my listening ear. U really can hear and see what's not apparent (not in a supernatural manner). U jia you too k! Do share your problems! Dun keep everything to yourself, thinking that it will only burden us further if u do so.
Nat, for being so helpful! Sorry that i have bugged u for the longest time, from last year till now! It isnt what i wanted! My brain works in a questioning way. ?? pops out all the time and i will only feel at ease if i eliminate them.
WL, for your wonderful humour and laughter. ^^ I will always listen to your jokes. U and Daniel juz make me laugh. :D
AB, for being so supportive and nice. U are my role model! haha. It was great to have u beside me.
NM, JJ, YZ, SM and the others. Thanks for accepting me for who i am! :D
That's all folks! Cya at the farewell ting tml.
ps the B&J's ice cream was delicious! Chocolate brownie fudge. (?)
Decisions, decisions
Darn pished today dunno why. Grrr..
Note to self: Dun talk bad about other people when they are juz behind u. -_-"
Thought about these when i was (trying to) sleep last night. ^^
Decision 1: I will dye my hair after e A's. My bro bought a Houyu ("no1 hair colour in Japan" ahh memories of SuperBand) Caramel coloured ting. He wanna share cuz too much for his short hair. So i thought, "why not?" haha.
He dyed his hair with a bunch of his frens some years ago, DIY too. A group of guys squirting a few ml of brown liquid on their hair, looking smug, thinking, "Hey! I've dyed my hair!" But the results were a pathetic tinge of colour that can only make u say "Hmmm. Its not black. So what colour did u use anywhy??" ;p haha.
And i have never dyed my hair before (duh) so the colour may not show as well? But i am already thinking along the lines of those pretty Korean actresses with their beautiful chestnut permed curls. Wooo.. haha
Decision 2: I shall have an english name when (if) i go university. Easier to remember? I will use the one when i was in that international sch. My elder bro and sis kept theirs, have been called that ever since. But its not in their ic? Hmmm..
Diana sounds ok. But i do fear that it will be linked to Princess D (who died in a car accident). How bout to a Roman/Greek? Goddess, the wise hunter? Or a name that when shortformed, = X.Y.? Still thinking.
Decision 3: I have enough of negative stuff, darn them all. Feeling down these days. :( Felt that dreaded ting today again, of having a clam as a mouth. :( I wanna talk! But cant.
Decision 4: To study. Enough time wasted dilly dallying. 3 MORE WEEKS! AHHH! I juz kept staring at the calander. =FEAR=
I feel like a sterilised dog.
Ps. A coincidence that today's reading from the bible is about the Shepherd? There will be sheeps invading SA soon. Keep a lookout for them! ^^
Jokes time!
Here are some jokes i remember, most from the guy himself, Daniel Tan! haha. Hmmm i have forgotten most. only the very recent ones. There goes my limited limited brain space!
Mr Lee: All of u will have to do the SGC yourselves cuz i only see u once a week..
Classmate A: But 'cher, u got salary leh..
D: Wah Mr lee, you are so healthy!
*the class groans*
Ms Tan: ...papaya...
D:How bout the mamaya?
*groans*
Haha! Really like his sense of humour. The groan-inducing type. ^o^
Ms Ng: How do u prevent flowering in a short day plant?
Classmate B: Shine torchlight on the rival's flowers!
I immediately imagined a couple of hired farmhands huddling together in the dark, torchlights in hand, at the boundary of the neighbouring farmer's field. And then a helicopter with its bright search light passed the field and groans were heard from the farmer's house.
Any of u have nice jokes to share? :)
Closure
Got this excerpt from a certain mushy website. (dun tell u where ;p)
"And she pretended to read something when he came
An awkward moment
And she started to babble
The outpouring of suppressed feelings
He listened with a goofy smile
Her face was flushed
But she didnt care cuz
there was his nice teeth and dimple
And his messy hair
What seemed like eternity only took 3 minutes
Well-wishes were exchanged
And it was the end
And when their paths cross
Just a flicker of the eyes
But nothing more
As if nothing
Had ever happened before"
If this is love, then i wont want a part of it. Seems unhealthy for the heart. ^^
Song dedication Time
Would like to dedicate these two songs to those who need it. ^^
Didnt like this song initially, cuz the title is like, wah, so cheesy. I only caught the meaning after i heard the song a few times. (slow huh) And i have been singing this song the whole day.
Blue Eyes Blue by Eric Clapton
I thought that you'd be loving me.
I thought you were the one who'd stay forever.
But now forever's come and gone
And I'm still here alone.
'cause you were only playing,
You were only playing with my heart.
I was never waiting,
I was never waiting for the tears to start.
It was you who put the clouds around me.
It was you who made the tears fall down.
It was you who broke my heart in pieces.
It was you, it was you
who made my blue eyes blue.
Oh, I never should have trusted you.
I thought that I'd be all you need.
In your eyes I thought I saw my heaven.
And now my heaven's gone away
And I'm out in the cold.
'cause you had me believing,
You had me believing in a lie.
Guess I couldn't see it,
I guess I couldn't see it till I saw goodbye.
Loved this the first time it played. Love the thumping of the piano, the complementary electric guitar, and the quiet despair. Never heard of this group before though. This album is called "All The Stars And Boulevards". Both songs are in my mp3 player so if you're interested, juz ask. ^^
Boston by Augustana
In the light of the sun, is there anyone? oh it has begun...
oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
this world you must've crossed...you said...
you don't know me, you don't even care,
you don't know me, you don't wear my chains...
essential and appealed,
carry all your thoughts across an open field,
when flowers gaze at you...
they're not the only ones who cry
when they see you
you said...
you don't know me, you don't even care,
you don't know me, you don't wear my chains...
she said i think i'll go to boston...
i think i'll start a new life,
i think i'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
i'll get out of california, i'm tired of the weather,
i think i'll get a lover and fly em out to spain...
i think i'll go to boston, i think that i'm just tired
i think i need a new tow, to leave this all behind...
i think i need a sunrise, i'm tired of the sunset,
i hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice...
boston...where no one knows my name...
ahh and it would not be complete with this song. This is the first time i've seen the lyrics! Couldnt catch what she was singing (subtitles plz!) And now that i have read it, makes the feeling worse. :(
Graduation (Friends Forever) by Vitamin C
And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And we got so blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels
(1) - As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still beFriends Forever
So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels
(Repeat 1)
La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
(Repeat 1 (3x))
Many things
Hmmm where should i start..
The weekend was useless lah. Saturday i spent the whole afternoon doing a thick chem ws (homework) and sunday was GP essay day (the only thing i've done)
And it was yesterday that something dirtied my soul. I felt so unclean, i couldnt do any work (and its not an excuse). Someone and her Australian bf were discovered showering together in the toilet. And that someone is my elder sis. When i found this out over a depressing breakfast of delicious wanton mee, i was traumatised. My lil sis was there too. We went for some therapeutic sight seeing at ntuc, and then went to the elderly exercise corner. I am so shocked and ashamed of her. But i still have to smile when our paths meet in the house. He will leave on the 17th. long way to go man..
And just 2 more weeks! I dunno whether i should feel relieved or sad. Relieved that i will finally be free of that stifling class of mine, where i feel so inhibited, i dun even recognise myself sometimes. Darn it. But there will be some people whom i will miss, and these are the precious few who (though they may not know it) draws me to school in those dreadful days.. And really, 2 weeks left. Let it be an end to it. Im exhausted from hoping. From having sleepless nights. From feeling self-conscious. Ah. I can only wait and hope. And when the time is up, then it shall be called Fate.
Ever since i started to wear a jadeite (a type of jade) pendant from New Zealand (mom bought it) in the shape of a spiral (Uzumaki Naruto!! haha), i feel the need to change. The pendant is supposed to do that. Even my mom had a spiraling headche when she wore it. Must be the chakra. I think it is good. Im bored man. Of this life. In school. haha. Many aspirations these days. Suddenly wondered, hey wat am i doing here? Why am i not allowing myself to enjoy stuff, to loosen up a bit more? (haha ya its the WRONG time for these type of feelings.
Im being long-winded. But i feel like there is a lack of attention for me. Im a middle child. I crave attention. Give it to me! haha. But that's cuz my morning counseller has resigned. haha. Feeling worse in the mornings. Worse and worse. (its not u, A. haha.) But once i reach 65's table, it gets a lil better. :)
Having panic attacks these days. Paralysing. Hmmm.. Planning for the future now. (ie the immediate future after the A's.) So many things to do! A scary freedom and independence. How shall i cope?
K lah off to study. Gonna stay back this week. But its already 4.30!! And im so behind my schedule.
Till next time! ^o^
