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Im desperate. Stayed at home the whole day. On standby mode every minute. Dun dare to go out in case they call n i cant hear n cuz travelling fares are so high.
But wait!! Why this paranoia?? Augh. Another side of me.
Anxiety, stress, n worry. Short tempered (with my lil sis). Guilt.
Remember that a job is NOT a matter of life & death?? A means to survive rather than survival itself?? I can stay at home for the next 6 months eating instant noodles! At most earn $9 a day marking scripts at Kumon! But where does that leave my laptop? My uni supplies?? Shadows of my elder sis haunt me now. I will become a recluse.
Augh stop this vicious train of thought!! Your body is already tensing up!! Breathe, i tell. Calm down. Tomorrow's dawning will still be as beautiful. Nothing bad will happen. You can do it. You need not be perfect. The kids will not devour u upon sensing your fear. U juz need to maintain order in the class for that 1hr n u will earn your $65. Have an early night n the fresh morning breeze will dispel all your fearful thoughts of a cursed year's opening, as was before. U have become stronger. Do not let the dark of night make u forget tat. Do not tink bout the baby c~~~~~~~~~~ loitering in ur rm, on ur blanket.
Go to sleep now.
But juz let me kaypoh at other pp's blogs!!
Ok. But do sleep right after. U have to continue to pack your room tml.
Good nite then.
