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Enough is enough
Why was i so foolish even to try to prove myself to u? That u can judge me with your own warped ideals, your own coloured specs of life. I lead my life the way i want. Im sick of u putting me down.
My brother.
His comments as he taught me how to use msn. I beared with them cuz i really wanted to learn. Harmless remarks to him, perhaps, but devastating for me.
"Aiyo, why so little friends one?!" As he saw my pathetic contact list, compared to his extensive one.
Well, is it because i cant use the com that often as i would like, depending on the whims and good moods of those who have a com in their room, that the com symbolises to me the force of IT that is twisting my family apart. First elder sis, and in subtle ways now, you? That the com jinxed the family n i am never good with coms cuz they will always hang up or some sudden virus attack when im the one using it, of all people?
That i have been feeling insecure all these while and i finally know (one of) the reason why?
"To change who i used to be.. The reason to start overnew, and the reason is you.." this song plagued my mind.
And why i (perhaps) insisted on going SA (i still like to deem it to divine will), why i wanted to join a sports CCA (i do like floorball though), why, on that train ride home from somewhere, u showed your aversion to Science students, have the perception that they dun hang out as a class usually, but in small groups, strange and isolated, this in response to my hints of my problems in school then. Ah, so well for some heart to heart talk.
BUT, (after an enlightening read from astrology books at the very new, nice bookstore at Vivo) i realized that all these hardships are just to catalyst my self-reform. The Scorpion leads a life of self-reform, being able to drag itself out of the ashes, never falling too far below, as it contains the magical power of transformation and rebirth, as it understands the transition between Life and Death more so than the other sun signs. Gibberish u may say, but it offers to me hope. That with change, i can lift myself out of this quagmire and start anew.
"And the reason is you.."
