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Many things
Hmmm where should i start..
The weekend was useless lah. Saturday i spent the whole afternoon doing a thick chem ws (homework) and sunday was GP essay day (the only thing i've done)
And it was yesterday that something dirtied my soul. I felt so unclean, i couldnt do any work (and its not an excuse). Someone and her Australian bf were discovered showering together in the toilet. And that someone is my elder sis. When i found this out over a depressing breakfast of delicious wanton mee, i was traumatised. My lil sis was there too. We went for some therapeutic sight seeing at ntuc, and then went to the elderly exercise corner. I am so shocked and ashamed of her. But i still have to smile when our paths meet in the house. He will leave on the 17th. long way to go man..
And just 2 more weeks! I dunno whether i should feel relieved or sad. Relieved that i will finally be free of that stifling class of mine, where i feel so inhibited, i dun even recognise myself sometimes. Darn it. But there will be some people whom i will miss, and these are the precious few who (though they may not know it) draws me to school in those dreadful days.. And really, 2 weeks left. Let it be an end to it. Im exhausted from hoping. From having sleepless nights. From feeling self-conscious. Ah. I can only wait and hope. And when the time is up, then it shall be called Fate.
Ever since i started to wear a jadeite (a type of jade) pendant from New Zealand (mom bought it) in the shape of a spiral (Uzumaki Naruto!! haha), i feel the need to change. The pendant is supposed to do that. Even my mom had a spiraling headche when she wore it. Must be the chakra. I think it is good. Im bored man. Of this life. In school. haha. Many aspirations these days. Suddenly wondered, hey wat am i doing here? Why am i not allowing myself to enjoy stuff, to loosen up a bit more? (haha ya its the WRONG time for these type of feelings.
Im being long-winded. But i feel like there is a lack of attention for me. Im a middle child. I crave attention. Give it to me! haha. But that's cuz my morning counseller has resigned. haha. Feeling worse in the mornings. Worse and worse. (its not u, A. haha.) But once i reach 65's table, it gets a lil better. :)
Having panic attacks these days. Paralysing. Hmmm.. Planning for the future now. (ie the immediate future after the A's.) So many things to do! A scary freedom and independence. How shall i cope?
K lah off to study. Gonna stay back this week. But its already 4.30!! And im so behind my schedule.
Till next time! ^o^
